by Niklas Göransson

Neill Jameson stripped away the band, the label – even his own desire to exist – and watched the ruins settle. Blue Miasma marked Krieg’s intended death yet brought no relief. What followed wasn’t rebirth, but the long road to exhausted clarity.

 

NEILL JAMESON: I remember sitting on Blake’s couch as we were finishing up “Instinct: Decay”. He just looked at me and said, ‘What are you going to do? You’ve completely ruined your reputation.’ That conversation really hit me – I had no idea how to fix it, or if things could even be salvaged.

NACHTMYSTIUM completed their third studio album, “Instinct: Decay”, in January 2006. The band’s founder and frontman, Blake Judd, had recruited Neill as bass player the previous year.

NEILL: More so than my musical prowess, I suspect Blake’s invitation to join NACHTMYSTIUM was his way of repaying me for all the opportunities I had given him over the years. By that point, I’d laid utter waste to my credibility; nobody wanted anything to do with me.

Over the preceding months – following a turbulent final KRIEG gig at Under the Black Sun in Germany – Neill had started to unravel, taking Blood, Fire, Death down with him. The label folded, leaving bands and customers in the lurch.

In February 2006, No Colours Records released “Blue Miasma” – promoted as KRIEG’s death knell. Unlike its predecessor, the album wasn’t met with much fanfare.

NEILL: “The Black House” made plenty of end-of-year lists and got solid reviews, whereas “Blue Miasma” landed like a wet fart. One comment has always stuck with me – someone said that I’d burned through any creative impulse I might’ve had and was just spinning my wheels. That stung.

Did you find any of the criticism warranted?

NEILL: Sure, some songs could have been shorter; a bit of editing would’ve improved it. But I always thought “Blue Miasma” was a great record. In terms of what it represented to me at the time – and still does – I’d say the album succeeded in its intent. Just misunderstood, perhaps.

Was there much interest from the metal media?

NEILL: No, very little – for several reasons. Firstly, my terrible reputation. Secondly, No Colours were starting to have reputation issues of their own. Thirdly, the US scene had undergone a paradigm shift, and KRIEG was caught in the middle. “Blue Miasma” got lost in the transition between old-school American black metal and the emerging modern sound.

Around this time, the American black metal landscape saw a notable transformation. Bands like WOLVES IN THE THRONE ROOM and AGALLOCH began steering the genre towards a more atmospheric, nature-centric, and introspective direction – often distancing themselves from its traditional aesthetics and themes.

NEILL: Suddenly, these bands were doing exactly what I felt I’d trailblazed with “The Black House”. In private, some would say, ‘Oh, you helped us realise black metal could be more than just Satanism.’ But publicly, they’d never acknowledge it – except LEVIATHAN, who’s always been supportive. So, various newcomers continued to grow, while I stayed exactly where I was.

 

Even after KRIEG’s demise, the seemingly endless saga of the LUST split that began in 1999 took yet another turn.

Leading up to the “Blue Miasma” sessions, Neill decided that KRIEG’s contribution, “Voidswimmer” – which dates back to the turn of the millennium – wasn’t strong enough. Instead, he recorded a new track, “Below”. Sombre Records was set to release the split, but label owner Marcell ‘Darkmoon’ Spaller passed away from a brain tumour in March 2006.

NEILL: After that, Werewolf Records offered to take over, but it dragged on endlessly; the whole thing felt cursed. Iron Tyrant showed interest, but by then, both Bernie (Sabazios Diabolus) and I were sapped of enthusiasm. I’m not sure what happened to his track, “Lightning and the Sun”. LUST usually sounds like noisy chaos, but this one had some genuinely powerful riffs – probably the band’s most cohesive song.

“Below”, the KRIEG track recorded during the “Blue Miasma” sessions, eventually surfaced as “III” on “Bleak Passage” – a compilation of leftover odds and ends.

In May 2006, Battle Kommand Records released NACHTMYSTIUM’s “Instinct: Decay”. Over the coming months, Neill participated in two US tours before leaving the band.

NEILL: One of my longest-standing coping mechanisms – which, thankfully, I’ve worked hard to overcome – has been to withdraw completely. I just disappeared. Even though Blood, Fire, Death no longer existed, I still had all these people I’d fucked over, with not the faintest idea of how to set things right.

 

Soon thereafter, the downfall of both his label and band culminated in what Neill has referred to as a nervous breakdown.

NEILL: At first, it was just white noise – a constant, smothering sense of unease. But soon it morphed into this relentless stretch of anxiety, depression, panic attacks, dissociation, and increasingly self-destructive drug use. My whole life came undone, and now I didn’t even have KRIEG as my emotional lifeline.

So, your plan of removing KRIEG from your life to improve things didn’t quite pan out?

NEILL: <laughs> Oh, no. Not at all. KRIEG is just another face of who I am: my musical expression, the most important artistic thing I’ve ever done. By casting it off – instead of simply taking time to reassess and reevaluate – I did something incredibly detrimental to my mental health. I stripped away the one creative outlet I’d had since I was sixteen years old.

But you were still determined to continue as a musician?

NEILL: Absolutely. I foolishly thought that whatever success KRIEG had enjoyed would carry over into future projects – but I should’ve known better. I’d already seen it happen with Andrew (Akhenaten). None of his other bands got the same recognition as JUDAS ISCARIOT, even though everyone knew he was involved.

Following the dissolution of JUDAS ISCARIOT, Akhenaten remained active in the underground through a series of short-lived yet stylistically distinct bands. These included black/death hybrid DEBAUCHERY, black metal duo DESOLATION HYMN – featuring KATHARSIS drummer M.K. – and black/thrash project FLAGELLATOR.

NEILL: DEBAUCHERY – killer record but didn’t sell at all. And DESOLATION HYMN… I mean, KATHARSIS were huge, so I assumed Akhenaten and M.K. together would generate some excitement; I was wrong. Red Stream probably still has copies of “Purgatory Despairing” lying around. Then he did TORRENT with Kanwulf, which is what it is.

No Colours Records released TORRENT’s “Between the Stones” EP in August 2004. Akhenaten and Duane Timlin had recorded the guitars and drums three years earlier, with Kanwulf adding vocals in late 2003.

NEILL: Once again, that should’ve been a warning to me – clearly, brand recognition alone carries more weight than the music itself. But I wasn’t yet cynical enough to believe listeners really were that narrow-minded. I honestly thought people followed musicians they respected, not just familiar names.

 

Concurrently, Neill was involved in a doom project called MARCH INTO THE SEA. After forming in 2005, the band released a demo called “Purge” the following year.

NEILL: We did a fair number of shows – even opening for WATAIN when they first toured the States in ‘07, still playing tiny bars before moving to bigger venues. That was interesting. We probably could’ve done something with that band, had the album not sounded like shit.

In 2007, Conqueror of Thorns Records released “Church of the Voidswimmer”, the debut album of MARCH INTO THE SEA.

NEILL: Then the guitarist decided he wanted to become a cop, which the rest of us weren’t exactly supportive of. I remember one Chicago show where he threatened to quit if I ever did cocaine in his presence. Naturally, I rolled out a fat line and snorted it right in front of him.

Alongside MARCH INTO THE SEA, Neill continued developing the N.I.L. material he’d started writing during the USBM Attack with DEMONCY. Battle Kommand released the project’s debut album in March 2007.

NEILL: The N.I.L. record completely bombed; people didn’t get it at all. Most reviews said, ‘Oh, it’s just two riffs, and the bass is way too high in the mix.’ But that’s because no one had heard the STRID EP I was so blatantly ripping off – they just thought it sounded like a jumbled mess.

Norway’s STRID are especially renowned for their 1993 “End of Life” demo and self-titled EP the following year – both featuring a melancholic, ambient sound that set the stage for the ‘depressive suicidal black metal’ sub-genre.

NEILL: Southern Lord actually wanted to release the N.I.L. album; I think it would’ve done much better with them. They also offered to repress “Blue Miasma” and “The Black House”, but Red Stream and No Colours both said no – which killed any momentum I might’ve had from that connection.

 

Alongside his string of artistic mishaps, Neill’s personal life wasn’t unfolding in a noticeably more inspiring fashion.

NEILL: I had the inheritance money from my mother, and later – after my grandfather’s second wife passed away – I inherited even more. For a while there, my bank account was loaded. That felt great at first, but it enabled me to completely avoid living my life. Instead, I stayed home, did drugs, played World of Warcraft, and got fat on delivery food.

One evening in autumn 2007, following the album flops of both MARCH INTO THE SEA and N.I.L., Neill was having another quiet night at home – playing computer games and popping Xanax.

NEILL: Suddenly, I heard this deafening choir of crying children. One childhood trauma we didn’t touch on earlier is that I was sexually abused by a neighbour. Ever since, the sound of kids crying triggers something deeply unsettling in me – but that’s the only time I’ve had an actual psychotic break.

Long-term abuse of Xanax – a benzodiazepine primarily prescribed short-term for severe anxiety and panic disorders – combined with other substances can cause serious neurological and psychological impairment, including delirium and auditory hallucinations.

NEILL: Something snapped inside me, and I emptied the entire bottle. My girlfriend came home later to find me completely fucked up, telling her I was about to die. We both knew I’d taken enough Xanax to overdose – but fortunately, being such a fat fuck actually saved me.

Xanax overdoses are especially dangerous because it depresses the central nervous system. That said, having a higher body mass can slow absorption, meaning less of the drug hits the bloodstream at once – giving the body more time to metabolise it before levels become fatal.

NEILL: She stayed with me throughout the night as I kept repeating over and over what a miserable failure I was. At some point, I got up, stumbled into the bathroom, and fell into the bathtub, injuring my back. It still hurts today – a lovely souvenir from an otherwise memorable night.

How was that hangover?

NEILL: There’s no feeling in the world quite like waking up after trying to end your life because you feel like a failure – only to realise you’ve failed at that, too. This was the moment I concluded, ‘Clearly, suicide isn’t working out for me. I can’t even kill myself properly.’

Did that experience lead to any positive changes?

NEILL: You’d think it would’ve inspired me to resume living or pursuing happiness – but no. The only difference was deciding not to attempt suicide again. Instead, my drinking and drug use intensified because I simply didn’t care. If I accidentally died, fine; I just wasn’t actively trying anymore.

Soon after, MARCH INTO THE SEA were supposed to perform in Baltimore. Still shaken by the recent ordeal, Neill chose to cancel.

NEILL: Our guitarist – the aspiring cop – didn’t believe me. He thought I was making excuses to avoid practice. By then, I no longer gave a fuck, so I quit. Between that, N.I.L. flopping, and the aborted second TWILIGHT record, I started thinking maybe I should just restart KRIEG. So, I began writing again.

In 2008, KRIEG was resurrected. Around the same time, Neill started trying to get his life back on track.

NEILL: By then, my internal monologue had shifted toward realising I needed help. That’s when I sought medical advice – only to be misdiagnosed repeatedly. I tried reaching out to family and friends, but nothing really changed. Except for my savings, which vanished in the stock market crash.

The financial crisis of 2008 – triggered by the imploding US housing market and widespread failures of financial institutions – led to a severe downturn in global equities. Millions of investors saw their portfolios decimated almost overnight.

NEILL: My family’s stockbroker – who, as it turned out, had undiagnosed brain cancer at the time – completely fucked up by selling off a tonne of really good stocks. Ahem, this is very interesting information for the fans, I’m sure <laughs>. But yeah, I lost everything.

As an added bonus, it emerged that the stockbroker hadn’t properly filed Neill’s taxes, prompting IRS involvement.

NEILL: Those fuckers decided I owed them close to a million dollars. The IRS revoked my passport and froze my bank accounts, emptying everything I had. Just as an experiment to see if they were still watching, I opened a new account and deposited fifty bucks – confiscated within the hour.

When the IRS determines that someone owes significant unpaid taxes, it can enforce collection through aggressive measures such as locking bank accounts, garnishing wages, and seizing assets. With no way to even pay basic household bills, everything related to Neill’s home went into default.

NEILL: For a while, I essentially squatted in my own house. No water, no power – just trying to gather my possessions before figuring out where to go. This was also right when a devastating pill epidemic hit Southern New Jersey; eventually, the place got broken into, and a shitload of my belongings were stolen.

One day, Neill returned home to find foreclosure notices all over the house; it had been deemed abandoned and seized. Now homeless, he lived in his car. If ever there was a rock bottom, this would be it.

NEILL: I’d spent so much time numbing myself to reality that, looking back, I don’t think I fully understood what was happening to me. I’ve always had the ability to be open and articulate, but during this period, I lost it entirely. Total degradation – detachment, isolation, and the ruin of any intellectual clarity.

You mentioned plans to seek help before this happened – were you able to follow up on them?

NEILL: Not yet. Between mental health issues, being financially enabled for too long, losing everything, and having no idea how to rebuild my life – I was completely paralysed. My entire existence felt defined by an inability to move, act, or do anything except sink lower and take more drugs.

Was it mostly destructive substances, or did you ever try psychedelics?

NEILL: I tried mushrooms once, in the summer of 2009. Me, Blake, and Jef Whitehead (LEVIATHAN) – we all took them together. It created this really light, euphoric atmosphere; I remember feeling a return to innocence, almost like a reset. It was a great experience… until Whitehead picked up a guitar and started playing these horribly discordant chords, completely ruining the vibe and plunging everyone into a bad trip <laughs>.

Studies using fMRI have shown that music under the influence of psilocybin mushrooms activates brain regions involved in mood, memory, and self-awareness far more intensely than in a sober state. Consequently, the emotional tone of a song – especially dissonant or unpredictable sounds – can strongly colour the direction of a trip, for better or worse.

NEILL: That basically sums up my experience with psychedelics. I’ve tried finding mushrooms since then, but they’ve been shockingly difficult to come by. That said, I don’t really feel like I need them anymore. If I took some today, it would be purely recreational. But back then, I absolutely needed a mental reboot. In fact, it probably played a role in helping pull me toward recovery.

 

Were you paying attention to the black metal scene during all this?

NEILL: A bit. The American scene was starting to feel like a hippie commune, moving towards what it would eventually become with bands like DEAFHEAVEN and LITURGY. Punk and hardcore kids who used to scoff at black metal were now dipping their toes in. Some of it yielded incredible results – KICKBACK from France, for instance.

By the late 2000s, KICKBACK – long known for their violent, misanthropic brand of hardcore – had begun incorporating black metal elements, a shift driven by the arrival of guitarist Damien Guimard of DIAPSIQUIR and ARKHON INFAUSTUS.

NEILL: But for every KICKBACK, there were ten shit bands trying to rebrand themselves for attention because black metal had become the outrageous new thing. It wasn’t mainstream yet, but it was gaining acceptance among people who’d openly dismissed it just a few years earlier.

When you brought KRIEG back to life, did you expect to be welcomed back into the fold?

NEILL: Honestly, I doubted I’d ever re-enter the global black metal scene – and in many ways, I still haven’t. KRIEG has been active since 2008, but I’ve had exactly one offer to play Europe, and they backed out upon realising I wasn’t going to fly over for a single show without plane tickets for my band. Between this and the lukewarm reception of “Blue Miasma”, I lost the European audience entirely. Truly the end of that chapter.

Since then, both Neill’s personal existence and the artistic outlet through which he chronicles it have undergone several new epochs. However, “Blue Miasma” marked the last time he attempted to lay KRIEG to rest.

NEILL: It took years for me to realise the only real way forward was accepting that this is who I am. Especially since “The Black House”, when I started leaning into the autobiographical aspects of my work, it became an extension of myself. KRIEG isn’t just a band I play in – it’s part of my identity.